Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
