I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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