Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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