Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
