Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
