Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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