I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
