we made out on top of his cat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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