Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
