You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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