please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
