I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
