I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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