i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
