Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.