I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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