Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
