Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
