sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
