please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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