we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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