I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
