im six kinds of drunk right now
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
