Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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