I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
