Non-Jews are for practice
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
