First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What a dumb baby whore.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
