I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
