u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
