he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
