sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
