Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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