I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
