I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
