walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
