the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
