from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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