farters have to be the big spoon...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
