soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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