were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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