He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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