Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
