This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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