Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
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omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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