You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You can't just leave with hair like that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
