i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
