So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
