White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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