he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
