There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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