Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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