Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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