someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
