i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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