The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
