Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
