You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
