You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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