Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
