I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
